Notes from Eight Months
Another baby post
About eight months ago, I had a baby. Which is to say I fed my wife ice chips, for which she seemed disproportionately grateful, while she did the entire hard part.
Time is fleeting. I’ve written about parenthood on this blog before, including a post from the one month mark.
So. What’s new since then?
Teething Takes Forever
A few months ago, our pediatrician said baby was probably teething. Still, today, we see nary a tooth. Our baby is quite cheerful, but she’s been showing intermittent signs of mouth discomfort for months. Only recently do we see signs (some suggestive bumps) that teeth are actually imminent.
Speaking of teething, the toys for it are fine, but what baby really wants to do is maul us. She’ll frequently climb up and just bite me or my wife on the shoulder over and over, with lots of gusto. She’s not hungry! It’s actually a good choice; when she goes for a table she sometimes hurts herself, though unfortunately she also hurts herself when she tries to maul us and she’s too tired.
Maybe this will change when teeth are actually coming out, but the peaks of teething distress haven’t seemed all that high yet. She’ll be annoyed and mess with her ear for a few minutes, or bite us over and over while making frustrated noises, but she hasn’t been screaming in pain or anything. I’ve heard some babies do!
Relaxation Is Elusive
There’s a lot of downtime, with a little baby like ours. Specifically, she sleeps a ton. Two long naps is normal throughout the day, or even three. You’re advised to sleep when the baby sleeps, but if you have more than one caregiver you can also do other stuff. Like game. Or blog.
Actually relaxing, though, is difficult. If the baby is sleeping on you, you have to keep an eye out for her waking up; there are subtle signals that, if you miss them, will cause you both to have a bad time. Even if someone else has her, in the sleepy haze of early parenthood, I tend to feel a little guilty pretty fast. Like, if I have enough energy to in principle watch baby, and nothing else pressing to do, it feels like I should offer. Nor do I think this instinct is mistaken! But the predictable consequence is that I’m generally in one of a few states:
I’m looking after baby and she’s awake; fun, but tiring
I’m looking after baby and she’s asleep; the most relaxing time, but she might wake up at any moment
Someone else is looking after baby and I’m busy; by definition I’m not relaxing
Someone else is looking after baby and I’m chilling out; can’t fully relax for long without feeling like I’m taking advantage
So, yeah. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” is part of it, but “chill out when the baby sleeps” is too. My daily dedicated window with her (about 8pm to 1am in theory, usually shortened in practice) is my main non-self-conscious downtime.
Milestones Are Murky
People describe their babies’ first words with a lot of confidence. I don’t know how! Maybe someday I will, too. For now, though, it feels quite gradual. Like she says “mamaMAma” a lot. Sometimes in the direction of my wife, or when my wife happens to be leaving!
Now I personally don’t see a lot of correlation between her making that sound and her interacting with my wife, though I do see maybe… a little? But likewise I find it extremely cute when she practices consonants and goes “p… p… pa… p…”, and do it back to her, so she goes “p(a)… p(a)…” with me disproportionately often. Her main sound is “la la la LA la”, which is at least as cute as it sounds.
She doesn’t know how to talk now, but I feel like there will be a time when it’s ambiguous, and all the doting grandparents say she can, and I’m still on the fence. Likewise with walking. She definitely can’t walk, but she’s great at standing, and will take steps if you’re holding onto her hands. A first step seems less ambiguous than a first word, but I suspect there will be a gap between literally having taken a step (ever) and actually being able to walk.
Also, it’s surprising what I find myself excited by. Like, the standing thing is super cool, but what’s charmed me the most lately is her aforementioned consonant practice. She sounds so thoughtful! She’ll wake up from a nap and just go “p… p… b… p…” with scholarly, absent-minded concentration.
The Gradient Is Smiles
Finally, compared to having a newborn, it’s really good how older babies smile. Our baby smiles a lot, and I navigate preferentially to things that make her do so. It’s one of the clearest reward signals ever, almost on the level of my own hunger, thirst, or sleepiness. Baby smiles when I hoist her up in one arm and have her look at the two of us in the mirror, then run around and return to that spot? Well, guess what activity I do a lot of now? Baby smiles when I sing “dancing baby” and dance her around? Now my original “dancing baby” song is perpetually stuck in my head.
But also, the activities that make her smile I usually just… chanced on. It’s clearly so valuable to spend a lot of time with her; the idea of being a 1950s sitcom dad who barely ever saw his baby makes me really sad. You need the aimless exploration time to figure it out! And when you do, wow. What could be better? Beats me.