My baby is extremely cute. I think about her all the time, and write about her often. It seems great to have posts I can look back on to remember this precious time.
So far, I haven’t posted clearly identifiable pictures of baby on this blog. This is less some sort of savvy commitment to privacy and more a vague instinct. Maybe if I try to unpack that vague instinct, something interesting will fall out.
Exhibit A: Mommy Bloggers
“Family influencer” is the modern term for what used to be called “mommy bloggers.” At their best - which lofty heights I aspire to - a mommy blogger can light the way for other parents, sharing advice and spreading good practices. Parenting is famously not one-size-fits-all, but I can think of few better web pages to exist than one that teaches me to put a damp burp cloth in the freezer as a teething toy, or how to redirect baby when she’d rather bite us instead.
But mommy bloggers have a famous dark side; many children chafe under the embarrassing stories that their parents share about them, and mommy bloggers who make it their livelihood sometimes mold their children like dolls, posing and reposing them for the perfect photo or video take.
It seems to me that parenting content at a respectful distance tends to exist in words, and dark mommy blogging almost always is highly visual, relying on images to convey a desirable lifestyle. So by avoiding clear pictures of baby, I hope I can project an aesthetic of not toxically projecting an aesthetic.
Exhibit B: Consent Extrapolation
If I take a picture of my wife and want to include it in a blog post, I can ask her. Likewise, if I write a post that mentions my wife’s more salacious comments towards me, I can (and do) likewise run it past her.
Baby does not understand privacy inquiries, so I can’t ask her permission. Since adults sometimes say yes and sometimes say no, it doesn’t seem fair to round off baby’s incomprehension to a yes.
Exhibit C: The Emoji Thing
The people I follow on social media tend to put emojis over their children’s faces when they share photos. Sometimes they do this for themselves, too, come to think of it, so maybe it’s a generic privacy thing. But in any case people who seem cool and desirable to emulate do the thing, so, since I’m nervous and uncertain, I instinctively follow their lead.
On reflection this reason is stupid, since actually my fellow emoji-eclipsers are just straight-up anonymous, and I am out here blogging in public. But tell that to my primate brain, who thinks the emoji-eclipsers seem stylish and cool. It won’t listen!
Counterexhibit A: She’s So Cute
My baby is really cute. Everyone says so. I say so most of all, perhaps, and am famously judicious.1
If I don’t have a good reason not to share my baby’s cuteness with the world, sharing it is a public service, since seeing cute babies makes people happy.
Counterexhibit B: Famous Guys Do It
Scott Alexander, Freddie DeBoer, and Richard Hanania have all shared pictures of their cute kids. These guys don’t have much else in common, other than being skilled writers. Their babies are indeed cute, and the cute pictures really add to their instances of daddy blogging.
I am moved slightly by this because I too want to be a skilled writer, but their vibes are very male about the whole thing, and I want mine to be a little feminine. Sorry, politically diverse male bloggers! I am insufficiently convinced to follow your example. Please do keep sharing the cute baby pictures, though.
Conclusion
I guess because I can’t undo the decision to post clear and detailed pictures of my baby, I’ll keep not doing it for now.
It seems like it would probably be fine, but also Exhibits A and B do collectively persuade me.2 More specifically, I feel like if I hadn’t thought of that stuff, it would be okay not to think of it, but now that I have thought of it, I do indeed want to go above and beyond not to become the Dark sort of mommy blogger, and to treat my relationship with my baby with the same forbearance that I afford other family members.
But oh well. It’s a close call. And I reserve the right to change my mind. If I were you, I’d hope for that; she really is so cute!
Nominative determinism! And if you are doubting my legal knowledge because I just started calling exhibits for one side of an argument “counterexhibits,” well, knock it off.
Fine, exhibit C too. I am what I am.
You'll still have the baby pictures later, when your kids are older and more capable of expressing opinions on privacy, if that helps.
Another privacy method: ghiblification https://www.jefftk.com/p/ghiblification-for-privacy